Judging Behaviour vs Treating the Cause

The best you can get by judging or punishing "bad" behaviour or mixing identity with bad behaviour is a sense of shame, which does not lead to sustainable wellbeing or sustainable outcomes. 

What works better is to address the underlying causes, resolve issues at their root cause and lead with compassion - this is aligned with sustainability and wellbeing. 

Kindness vs Niceness

Kindness is not niceness. Kindness is helping people help themselves, niceness is making people rely on you. Kindness is teaching a man how to finish to feed himself for a lifetime. Niceness is feeding a man a fish for a night so he keeps relying on your free fish. Kindness is believing in other's agency and competency and helping them grow and develop, and niceness is making yourself look good at the price of others truly becoming self-sustaining powerful agents of change. 

How We Spend Our Time

We spend much of our time on achieving what is visible and tangible and not enough on the intangibles and the invisible strings that hold life together.